After 3 years, I am turning back to you. Because reading your words, and your thoughts, and your process of struggle has helped me to realize that I need to hear what you have to say more than ever.
I worry often that I’m losing it. I have built myself up and pushed my way through to the top. I made that happen. I accomplished my goals, and continue to pursue new ones every day. In that regard, I am very thankful at the difference between me now – and me in the previous posts before this one.
I know that I am struggling, but I know that I have also matured to a new level of thought with this disorder.
In my last post, I realized that I wasn’t bringing any positivity and insight to the actual disorder, I was only perpetuating the distorted thought processes I was having.
I still have them.
Most of those posts, most of those words, and most of those insights and feelings come up on a regular basis. And nothing, in regards to my disordered eating, is currently any better than it was in the moment that I left off.
I do have hope, however. I do have motivation to set myself back on the path I had intended, which was to discover the truth about my disordered eating, and more importantly, how to resolve my issues with it.