My eating disorder has faded for years now and a new disorder has arose. I believe it’s a panic disorder although I haven’t confirmed yet with a doctor. It doesn’t seem right to become intensely terrified of normal every day things that had not terrified me before. Walking downtown, driving on highways, riding an escalator… Read More Disorder Swap
It’s so obvious when the struggle sets in. To everyone of course. After almost 20 years of struggling with the seemingly foreign concept of self nourishment. Sustainment. I have moments and I don’t make things worse. I don’t force myself to do things my body won’t allow. I just slip by, unnoticed, except that’s not… Read More Not in Numbers
Sometimes I think back to times when I was much younger, sitting on a living room sofa, looking around me at a place that didn’t belong to me, us, my family, or my friends. A small child, on vacation to spend time with a sofa, thoughts of when, and how much time, will she spend… Read More The Lonely Sofa
Let it be known to the world what you think when you think it and with a reasonable explanation of why you think it . Some believe that no explanations are needed, but I believe that to be wrong. Distorted thinking captures the most perfect idea and embeds it into the brain over factual evidence. … Read More You think too much.
I have said that I will miss you when you leave every day for 5 days straight. It hasn’t been easy. With tears welling up, throat clenching in the resolve that I must truly face my fear and speak my truth. The statement is always followed with the reply: I know. You’ll figure it out.… Read More For a purpose
Jolie comes to me from the other side. It isn’t something that I can freely express to a lot of people, however I am sure that I’ve shared these experiences with more than have cared to know them. Jolie come to me from the other side in the form of Florence & The Machine songs.… Read More Did I Build This Ship to Wreck?
The bird in the tree outside my porch chirps in fours. The same four notes in the same pattern. Pausing in between to let me know that there is purpose in the four. So so me doe. I hear you bird. I have seen 444 on the clock. Stopped it perfectly without looking on the… Read More So so me doe
It becomes invigorating when you have a breath of fresh air. A new arrival of prospective perspective. A pendulum swing of the greatest kind, with a rise for no reason, other than it was meant to be by the force of swinging from the other side. Being dreary becomes old, especially for those within the… Read More Swinger
When the thunder rolls, it’s depth is unpredictable and cascading – echoing on into directions that are both far too wide or deep for me to comprehend. I wonder, in those moments, what keeps me stuck in this roll. For how deep or cascading, in which direction, cheering on the strikes of light, flickering through… Read More Hear the Thunder Roll
Now a new study from Columbia University has identified for the first time what’s going on in the brain when anorexics make a decision about what to eat. By using fMRIs, the researchers found that when they decide what food to eat, people with anorexia are engaging a part of the brain that is associated… Read More One Day