When the thunder rolls, it’s depth is unpredictable and cascading – echoing on into directions that are both far too wide or deep for me to comprehend. I wonder, in those moments, what keeps me stuck in this roll. For how deep or cascading, in which direction, cheering on the strikes of light, flickering through… Read More Hear the Thunder Roll
I apologize for the lack of hope that I have portrayed in this blog. I’m not really sure if I’m apologizing as much to you as to myself. I had intended this to be a documented recording of the ways in which I have successfully recovered on my own accord. And I suppose, in a… Read More Shape Shift
I have lived without thinking of my eating disorder for a while. I have pushed it to the very depths of my mind, and I’m not quite sure why I have decided to pull it forth tonight. I have held it before me and stared into it’s crystal-y gaze and admire it’s endless depth. Because… Read More Question For The World
My whole being wants to live outside of myself. But I am trapped within myself. Unable to crawl outside of this tight space inside of my spirit that, I, myself, have created to be a dampening place. I imagined that, by now, I would have purified my soul enough to feel comfortable enough to quit… Read More Turtle Shell Showdown
I don’t know how to live without my Eating Disorder. So I don’t leave my house very often. Only on an “as needed” basis, and while I’m out, I feel like a bumbling idiot. I’m nervous. Around everyone. It’s stupid. But I can’t stop it. I like to hide in my house with baby girl… Read More Escape Reality Forever said every addict everywhere.
My circumstance is so strange. Isn’t yours? I mean, seriously. Recovery in a time like this. How? I worked 8 hours…formal dining. Pleasing the richest of the metroplex. VIPS. Rosemary seared Ahi tuna with with a jasmine risotto topped with capers, peas, and shallots with a red vinaigrette buerre blanc drizzled on top. I lit… Read More The tables have turned
It has come as no surprise to me that I have fallen deeper into depression. True depression. Not I hate myself I think I’m fat Life sucks Can’t catch a break Woe is me But an impending dull boredom that has enveloped my every waking moment. A constant dampening of my spirit as I try… Read More I don’t know
I couldn’t have illustrated the chaos within me today as I chain smoked joints filled with shit weed and scrubbed the hell out of my floors. The landlord calls. Relentlessly. I have no response. I can’t think of one quick enough. I scrubbed and I smoked and I turned off the music because the silence… Read More These Present Times
I keep getting texts from the landlord. 2 months behind on rent. What is he supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I work so hard, and reap so little. I work at the leading restaurant in a major city…but there was training and minimum wage on top of a weeks worth of… Read More Together We Cry
This has got to have been the very low lowest of my life. These last 3 years…up until this very moment, have been the most grueling, dumb-fuckery of an existence that I’ve ever happened into in all 27 years. It’s all been fucked, to be honest. A meth addicted mother. Raised by my great-grandmother who… Read More Renew in me a New…anything.