When the thunder rolls, it’s depth is unpredictable and cascading – echoing on into directions that are both far too wide or deep for me to comprehend. I wonder, in those moments, what keeps me stuck in this roll. For how deep or cascading, in which direction, cheering on the strikes of light, flickering through… Read More Hear the Thunder Roll
We succumb to whatever we desire most. It would seem obvious, but to many it isn’t. At a glance, I would think that if that were the case… I would be a successful novelist, married, a perfect mother, immaculate house, and all the freedom in the world to cultivate an enriching love for life. I… Read More Desire = Manifestation
After 3 years, I am turning back to you. Because reading your words, and your thoughts, and your process of struggle has helped me to realize that I need to hear what you have to say more than ever. —————————– I worry often that I’m losing it. I have built myself up and pushed my… Read More Resurrection
I apologize for the lack of hope that I have portrayed in this blog. I’m not really sure if I’m apologizing as much to you as to myself. I had intended this to be a documented recording of the ways in which I have successfully recovered on my own accord. And I suppose, in a… Read More Shape Shift
I have lived without thinking of my eating disorder for a while. I have pushed it to the very depths of my mind, and I’m not quite sure why I have decided to pull it forth tonight. I have held it before me and stared into it’s crystal-y gaze and admire it’s endless depth. Because… Read More Question For The World
My whole being wants to live outside of myself. But I am trapped within myself. Unable to crawl outside of this tight space inside of my spirit that, I, myself, have created to be a dampening place. I imagined that, by now, I would have purified my soul enough to feel comfortable enough to quit… Read More Turtle Shell Showdown
I choked down a banana at 3pm. I began to put on my slacks for work and dutifully reminded myself that I must consume anything before I am unable to consume at all until midnight. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find “recovery”….or, more importantly, “appetite” outside of cannibis. It has been the one… Read More Constantly Questioning my Motives.
The thing that I’m realizing suddenly is that the issue lies in the flawed sense of reality that Eating Disorder “patients” get in the security of being banned from their Eating Disorder. I have sat across from many a 30 day symptom free woman. And, having seen the mess they arrived in, vs the capable,… Read More How do we live?
I haven’t really known how to approach this post. The post where I must reveal that I do, now, know my number. And whether or not I am ready or willing to broadcast it to the open universe. I had arrived in the ER and did my duty of explaining why I must not know… Read More 46.4+102-18.2=0…or so they say.
I have not weighed myself in almost a year. And I can guarantee that has taken more will power and self-control than starving myself ever did. -Me http://www.misplacedvanity.tumblr.com I don’t know how I’ve done it, but I have. I have managed to hold myself back from breaking out into random bursts of maniacally running to… Read More Well Done