about Medication

I have spent the better part of my life being medicated.

Starting at the age of 14, I have cycled through a whole slew of different medications that have been implemented into my treatment plans to control things such as:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Bi-polar disorder
  • Insomnia
  • Appetite Stimulants
  • Psychotic episodes
  • Multiple Personality Disorder


I have been medicated as if I belonged on the set of Girl, Interrupted with medications such as:

  • Xanax
  • Ativan
  • Klonopin
  • Buspar
  • Remeron
  • Seroquel
  • Zoloft
  • Paxil
  • Prozac
  • Topamax

And those are just the ones that I can remember being on within the past 5 years.


I began, at the age of 25, doing a lot of research and digging into these medications, and psych medication in general. The things that I began to find and discover not only shocked me, but made me realize how the medical industry has gone through great efforts to medicate America through manipulation and in an effort to continue to support Big Business.

One of the best books that I ever read on the subject of medication, the book that actually led me to weaning myself off of 10 + pills a day, is a book by Charles Barber titled “Comfortably Numb: How Psychiatry is Medicating a Nation”

This book gave me a better understanding of what the medications do, and don’t do, and how much they are really “necessary” in comparison to the feelings that I was actually feeling.

I was taking a pill to fix my past…my present…and hopefully, my future. But none of them offered me anything other than an onslaught of side effects and a constant feeling of absolute nothingness. Some of them were able to take away the choking sensation that I would get in my throat caused by the anxiety of living that day, and both Remeron and Seroquel instilled in me an endless physical appetite that led me to be in constant panic amidst a severe eating disorder.

I would become so hungry on medications that I would devour boxes of cereal and cookies and lunch meat…and in turn, purge them up because I was terrified of the sense of loss of control in my appetite. They did exactly the opposite of what they were supposed to.

Once I realized that most medications don’t have to prove to fix anything, or pass many FDA standards at all…and on top of that, to understand that most mental illness and neurotransmitters that cause them are still a mystery to the most schooled psychiatrists of our times, I came to realize that these pills were a waste of time and money.

There are a select few who may benefit from one or two of these medications. Those that I have sat with in insane asylums, who count the tiles on the floor and rock back and forth in a world of silence and fear, could use the calming effects of Valium or Xanax. But for regular America, and those suffering from eating disorders, the medication is in the mind.

The true medication is the positive thoughts and the revealed reality of the world around us. Should we be so pampered as to expect that a tiny pill will help us feel more confident as we live our day? Are we to believe that these medications can cure us of all that displeases us?

Sometimes it takes years of being off medications before you are able to look back and come to the conclusion that they hurt more than they help.

The truth is….medication is just another form of false hope.


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