The truth about treatment is that, in the long run, it is just a re-feeding vacation where you get to bond with other individuals who are re-feeding as well.
The truth is, most of the disordered don’t want to be there, but have arrived there through circumstance. Therefore, the disordered that are there because they have a genuine desire to return well, become distracted and overwhelmed by the many who do not.
Harmony Grove is the only treatment center that made me cook my own food. At first I was appalled, but then I understood exactly why. It is the only treatment I have had, including years and years of nutritionist visits, that taught me accurate portion control.
I didn’t start feeding myself until this treatment center. I was 24 or 25 at the time.
Until that point I had relied and waited on others to feed me, or bought something already made. I had no idea what food was, to be perfectly honest.
Treatment that doesn’t let you touch and cook your own food is useless in my opinion.
The other good thing about treatment is the bond with the other disordered. In my 15 years of frequent flier visits, I have met probably over a hundred girls and a handful of guys. (Not to leave out that there are far more men that suffer than I had encountered).
It was like sitting with family during process groups and meals. Each putting faith in another when faith in ourselves was impossible. The friendships that sparked up and the sharing of intimate details of life and challenges and hope and fear with others that fell in the same category as yourself, were incomparable to any other friendships I’ve had. Those are the reasons for treatment.
But it will not cure you.
Most of the disordered relapse.
And I’m pulling that statistic just out of the poll of the hundred I know years and years after treatment.
The truth is, treatment places you in unrealistic expectations.
In the real world, nobody goes and checks to see if you really took a crap or not.
In the real world, nobody sits outside of the bathroom while you take a 5 minute shower.
In the real world, nobody cooks every meal, portioned out, and sits and watches and encourages you to eat it…3 times a day.
In the real world, things are triggering.
In the real world, people say numbers…they talk about weight, about food, about calories, about fat, about weight loss, about gluten and carbs and sugar and cellulite and all kinds of jargon that’s forbidden in treatment.
In the real world, people don’t support you. You support yourself.
In the real world, you have to make decisions. Without a treatment team.
I remember a time when the whole world was persuading me to go to treatment as if it was the cure.
Treatment is not the cure.
It’s the band aid covering a huge gaping wound.